Is it cheating?

Does it count as cheating? 
Now a day with all the technology and the many sources for socializing   some rules can become a little confusing. Sex and sexuality have changed. We've all heard about having a sexual encounter, but now you can actually have it through many other ways, other than being in person that is. I've heard some of those as: phone sex  (sex over the phone, both partners get engaged in sexual conversation on the other end of the line), sexting (sex over text messages which may include private pictures of each other), Web-cam sex (both partners are broadcasted in live-time and perform sexual acts in the webcam). The old days of getting to know people in order to star a relationship have change as well. According the site Match.com 1 in 5 people start a relationship over the internet.

I can not leave this subject without warning you about nude or sexual pictures running around in cell phones and internet. First, most pictures might end up in the internet or in every phone there is, so be careful if you take some private pictures of this kind. It is counted as pornography. If you take some pictures between the two of you, make sure they don't get posted. Teenagers have been known for taking nude or sexual pictures and sending them to their boyfriends/girlfriends who take care of sharing them with everybody, they are counted as child pornography and it is actually a crime to have them, reproduce them, or forward them. Be careful.


What is confusing about this? Well, not everyone that say they are single is true. A senator who got caught having affairs over the internet used the defense "but we never even met in person." So, is it cheating? Is having fun in chat rooms and matching sites cheating? What if you don't actually do anything with this other person? Is flirting with somebody else cheating? What is actually considered cheating?

Platonic relationships are those that involve love, but are mostly not sexual nor physical. The platonic relationships I am talking about feed in daydreams and "what would be like." Our brain allows us to be anywhere and anyway we want thanks to our imagination. Flirting with other people while in an exclusive relationship is like playing with fire, most likely you will end up getting burned. It is really easy to flirt, especially over the internet. In our mind we are justified to flirt around and have sex conversations and even some form of sex because we are not physically with another person.

Recently a man came to us, (mostly by force) with his wife, because she was fed up with his behavior. When we started talking about what they would like to change in order to improve their marriage, a frustrated wife said "I am sick of my husband checking out other women when we go out!" Her husband replied, "I am married to you! I only like to appreciate the beauty in women."  This is a very common situation. After talking about the reasons why he likes to check out other women he said, "Life is like a restaurant, only because you are already eating does not mean that you can't check out the menu."

Let's review... when you are eating at a restaurant and you see the menu something might catch your eye, you might end up imaging in you head how good that dish must taste. If you have an open opportunity you might end find yourself ordering that item in the menu.  Marriage and life are indeed very alike compared to this "restaurant" example. "She was hot, and I just wondered what color her panties were" (Will Farrell, Old School, the movie). So many times I've heard people both male and female saying "I just undress him/her in my mind and he/she is FINE!"

Having all these different examples do not mean that an emotional or physical affair is unstoppable and deemed to happen. Quite the opposite. Most affairs start in our head. Our brain can and will find justification for us to go forth with the affair. "Nobody will find out" "As long as I am not hurting anyone it's okay" Have you heard those? I have, many times. The question that you have to ask yourself is: Is it worth it to risk what I have?

Then, how do I know if I am cheating? Ask your self:
- Would I feel okay doing this in front of my spouse/partner?
- Would my spouse/partner get hurt if he or she found out?
- Is it worth risking the relationship I have?


Only you will know the answers to those questions. Remember that your spouse/partner is a precious gift. Isn't it amazing when you love somebody and that special someone loves you right back?  Enjoy your marriage and think about if there is something that needs to change in order to improve your marriage. Flirt with your spouse/partner like there is no tomorrow. Make love like today is the best day to be alive, because it is! xx

XOXO Foreplay XOXO

Sometimes for any reason our expectations about sex are not achieved. For women as well as for men, sex in the media is portrayed completely different than what it really is. The reason why we are addressing this subject is because the media has changed the expectations of sex. According to the media, man can expect to have a "quickie" almost anywhere with anyone at anytime.

According to the media, men can find an eager woman or more than one sexy lady to have sex with in the elevator, in the office, at the parking lot, and even in a phone booth. For the men in those ads having the right beer or alcoholic drink will get the sexy ladies and deliver them right into their arms. In those cases the sex is so impersonal that names are optional. For women on the other hand, sex is portrayed as a romantic encounter. Maybe a picture of a dining table, a glass of wine, roses, candlelit room and the moon shining right over them. These advertisements for women are completely opposite to their male counterparts. Sex is personal, soft, and very romantic.

The importance of addressing this issue is because those ads have changed the expectations about sex from how sex truly is. A famous porn star said one time "Sex in those movies is not real; making one scene can take up to 3 to 4 hours. After filming these movies we all go back to our normal lives, have a normal dinner like everyone else, and have normal sex with our partners, which is nothing like the sex encounters we portrayed in the movies we make."

Foreplay sometimes is taken for granted. Don't get me wrong sometimes having a "quickie" can be as hot as it gets, but you can't have a "wham-bam-thank-you-mam" every time. When you have time, you want to make is as great as possible and make those orgasms so strong that you are left light headed and seeing stars. Here are some amazing ideas for foreplay.

1. Making Out
            If you like making out here is a simple thing to try that will leave you aching for some hot action: Kiss your partner for 5 minutes; you cannot touch each under the belt. You can get as close to each other as you wish but remember hands above the belt! By the time those 5 minutes are up, you will be dying for more.

2.  Smell Good
            Smelling good will always go a long way. A bad smell can turn your partner off, so maybe have a piece of gum, or brush your teeth right before you have sex. Make sure if you need some deodorant use it. DO NOT OVER DO IT and put too much cologne or perfume on you want to entice your partner not suffocate them. Just wear enough to be pleasant to the nose! You can blow your partners mind, and creating long lasting scent memories (meaning that every time your partner smells something similar to the scent you were wearing they will be taken back to the moment of orgasm, and the rush it gave them).

3. Showers
            If you feel like you have had a long day and need a shower, do it with your partner. Showers can be especially hot. There is nothing like lathered up soapy bodies rubbing against each other. It can be quite a turn on and will get both partners ready to go!

4. Food
            Food can be tricky. You have to make sure sugary liquids do not actually get into the vagina, or your partner will be at risk for a MAJOR yeast infection. You can use whipped cream with strawberries, or possibly pour some chocolate syrup all over their body and lick it off. Just be careful it does not get inside. I have heard some women say popsicles are good to use as dildos. This is a bad idea, the sugar in popsicles can cause a nasty yeast infections. If you would like a cold sexy surprise, the best idea would be to get a glass dildo and put it in the fridge for a while.  Be sure and have fun, but as always be careful.

5. Sexy Dance
            Someone once said girls go to a night club to dance and get attention, guys go to a night club to get a girl. A sensual dance for your partner can be super sexy. It can actually make two fantasies come true. For instance it could satisfy that hidden voyeur fantasy of one partner, due to the fact that he/she can watch as much as he/she wants. The other fantasy it can satisfy is exhibitionism, by showing his/her body and exposing it all. Since you are with your partner, there are no other people to judge you or to make you feel embarrassed. So go ahead, a nice strip tease will go a long way to get you both in the mood.

6. Sexy text messages.
            Before you or your partner gets home be sure to set the mood for later on. Texting is so big easy now that when you do it with sexual purposes is called "sexting." You can always start sexting each other about what would you like to do to each other later on.

7. Phone sex. 
            Make sure that when you talk to each other you are not close to anybody, especially in your office because it could and probably would be considered sexual harassment. You can call your lover a little while before you get together and tell him or her how much you want to see him or her. If you are away on a trip, you can always talk to each other and think what you both would do if you were together. It can get pretty hot!!!

8. Sexy secrets
            For most people the ears are considered and erogenous zone. By whispering your sexy secrets and fantasies into your partners ear, you are sending really strong messages to your partners brain. Some types of secrets to share may be how much you want your partner, things you would like to do to him/her, and other sexy little words you can quickly get the ball rolling towards a night you will never forget. Dry humping while talking to each other will probably happen and definitely is allowed!

9. Flirting
            Flirting can be pretty hot. Remember when you started dating and even looking into each other’s eyes would make you feel butterflies in your stomach? Well, flirting is never over rated. You can go for a walk, have dinner, or whatever you want and flirt. You can be as flirty as you want, and you can even be a tease. That will build some sexy steam up!

10. Massage
            Sometimes we are so stressed we need some relief from our every days lives, at these times a nice massage will do wonders. In my many years of marriage I have learned that a sexy massage can be so relaxing as well as exciting. Make sure you tell your partner you would like to do some stuff later, or he or she might fall asleep! A nice massage can be the doorway to some steamy action!


11. Porn
            Last but not least we come to porn. There are a couple things you need to be sure of before you bring that idea up. First, you need to be sure that both partners are OK with watching it; its not worth starting a fight over. Remember that you want to build up for sex, not to have a fight and sleep on the couch! The biggest turn on about it is that you get to see what your partner likes, and you get to show off what you like. When the women choose what kind and which one would they like to watch it is a huge turn on for the guys, as the girls are letting them into their minds and sharing what turns them on. I suggest that you let your partner pick what kind and which movie/pics/whatever you are going to watch, that way it doesn't come across as if you want to watch porn no matter what. Remember communication is the key.

Well, here are some ideas we came up with, but I am sure you can come up with so many more on your own. Remember that ladies do need foreplay in order to be ready for more exciting orgasms. The female body NEEDS to be ready or it won’t be a pleasant experience. So go forth and love your partner and show how much you love him or her by making love. Communication is the key. and remember that sex in marriage always needs to be NONJUDGMENTAL, this will build the trust and honesty that will make a marriage last.

BEST Sex Ever! (Rules for Sex)

There have been many times when we have been approached by couples with one common problem: They love each other but their sex life isn’t up to par. You don't have to have a bad sex life for this advice to help. You can always use this information to upgrade your sex life into a more pleasing, fulfilling act that you can’t wait to be a part of.

Sex should be a wonderful, extreme, mind-blowing experience. Sadly, I've heard many people thinking about it as a rip-off, because people always talk wonders about sex and they have never felt anything close to wonderful during it. Also I have heard that sex is crap, and I can't wait for my partner to get it done and over with... All these thoughts are depressing because that means that these people have not discovered yet, how wonderful sex really is.

Rules for SEX: 

Rule #1 Boundaries

Remember not everyone likes the same things. The benefit, among many others, about having only one sex partner is that you have the opportunity to grow and learn to please your partner. Before you have sex, be sure to make some simple rules about what’s ok and what’s not ok. For example, some women (and men too) LOVE to give oral sex, on the other side of the spectrum others absolutely hate it. I have heard women say things like: It was so gross; he wanted to put that thing in my mouth. Can you believe it? To this statement I always ask, have you talked to him about it? The answer to this question 9 times out of 10 is a loud resounding no. How can your partner know if you’re willing or ok with something without this necessary communication? The answer is they won’t. 

Rule #2 Pornography

Remember that we live in a world where 2/3 of all the people out there have watched porn at one time or another. The internet has opened a door where Playboy type porn just isn’t enough. Hardcore Porn, among many other variations, is available at the click of a mouse. I'm telling you this because odds are your partner has watched porn at one point or another, (whether they will admit it or not.) Porn gives has morphed the basic definition for some people of what sex is. Sometimes when a couple is having sex they expect their partner to do what the porn stars did in the film. So before you expect your partner to do something you saw in your favorite X-Rated film, talk to them. 

Rule 2-A        When you are in a committed relationship porn could be used as foreplay. It can be quite a turn on to see your partner release their inhibitions and show you what turns them on.  

Rule 2-B         NEVER watch porn without your partner, this can lead to mistrust and can be a sign of a very potent addiction.

Rule 2-C         If you want to try something new that you and your partner saw that you think may be interesting, talk about it. Remember communication is the key to have a healthy sex life, which brings us to the next rule.

Rule #3 Communication 

Always communicate with your partner with what is ok, and what is not, for example: I love to go down on you, and I love when you go down on me too. But there are some things I am not comfortable with, like anal sex, bondage, etc. 

Rule 3-A         ALWAYS REMEMBER NO MEANS NO, any breaking of this rule can and possibly will lead to the following consequences: Loss of your partners trust, Jail time, hefty fines, criminal record, and an exclusive spot on the top of the sex offenders watch list.

Rule 3-B         Remember that no matter what gender your partner is, THEY CAN NOT READ MINDS! So either give them a hand at guessing or just lay it all out on the table.

Rule #4 Don’t Judge

The longer we are in a relationship, the better we know our partner. What does our partner like, what don't they like. Always remember sex must be ALWAYS BE COMPLETELY NON-JUDGMENTAL. Be willing to try something new. What does it hurt to try something at least once? If you don’t, how would you know that you don't like it if you’ve never tried it?

Rule #5 Trust and confidence is a necessity.

We must provide a safe environment for our partner to express themselves freely. Here are some simple guidelines to follow.

Rule 5-A        The details of your sexcapades will never leave your relationship.

Rule 5-B        What we do or don’t do stays here. 

Rule 5-C         One of the most important rules of all (even so important we kind of mention it twice in a roundabout way)DON'T DO ANYTHING YOUR PARTNER DOESN'T WANT YOU TO. 

Rule #6 Foreplay

Part of creating a loving, hot environment, always remember that: MEN are ALWAYS ready, but WOMEN need a little bit of time to WARM UP. So go ahead, take a shower before getting intimate, play with some whipped cream and strawberries, maybe kiss each other all over, and try playing a little before you actually try to penetrate. Remember if you not willing to put some effort into it, the women will not enjoy it. Instead of enjoying it they will absolutely dread having sex because it hurts, and they probably did not even achieve orgasm. The biggest pride for a man should be the ability to make his girl orgasm, because it takes some work but is worth it in the end. The more practice you both get, we might even start talking about multiple orgasms for him and his girl!!! Pretty cool huh?

Remember that both guys and girls feel sexy, attractive, and gorgeous during sex. Go a step further and remind your partner how desirable he or she is, how beautiful, how sexy, and how much he or she gets you going. Sex is wonderful, but you got to feel right about it in order to enjoy it fully.